A Little Late!

 I forgot to post this adorable picture of Mom and Dad from Halloween night!  About 10 days before Halloween, Dad asked me to be sure they had candy ready from any trick or treaters!  A couple of kids from their garden home community came to their door, and Whitney made a special trip so that Austin trick or treat at his Mamaw and Papaw's house!  The last thing Austin expected was for his Papaw to greet him at the door with a mask on!  Whitney said that Austin thought it was hilarious, bit he wouldn't hug Papaw until he took his mask off!!!  When you see the photo below, you'll understand why!!  As you can also see from the picture, Mom got a big kick out of it!!  Thank you to one of the caretakers, Christina, for providing the mask!!  In the television program "Leave it to Beaver," Warde Cleaver said, "You're n ever too old to do goofy stuff!"  I agree 100%!!  One of the many things about my parents is that they maintain a great sense of humor!!

 

 

Humility

God blessed me with the most wonderful, loving and supportive husband, Ollie, who simply asks me each day when he will see me.  That relieves me of so much pressure and allows me to be where he and I know I need to be right now.

Mother often concerns herself that I am not attending to other things, other than her and Daddy.  I reassure her that I am doing what I want to do, to be there for her and Dad.  I found this verse in my Simple Prayers for Women that sums up how I feel..."I want to walk in a way that is worthy of the calling with which I was called, with all humility and meekness and patience." Ephesians 4:1-2
There is no doubt in my mind that my life's journey brought me to this calling.  I feel so honored to show my parents and God my gratitude in being blessed with them as parents and with the ability to be with them now.  Some time ago I asked God to show me His intentions for me, and He answered my prayer.  "Call to me and I will answer you, and will tell you great and hidden things that you have not known." Jeremiah 33:3  I will never be more grateful than for this precious and intimate time that I have had with Mom and Dad! Each of us kids does what we can and as much as we can, when we can. Our lives are all of different tracks.  It just so happens that mine allows me a different schedule than theirs.  I am so thankful to God and Ollie for that!

This week Mom's pain has been more gentle on her.  She has swelling from her toes to the backs of her knees, but doesn't seem to have much discomfort with that. She says sometimes her feet feel like bricks, but more from numbness than discomfort. She is resting fairly well and is able to do a few things like make her bowl of Malto-Meal or make Dad's flat enchiladas!  We all remain in awe of her spirit, patience and enduring strength! 

Dad went with me to Wal-Mart yesterday!  He likes go with me or Jean every once in a while! Once we got there, I realized his mission!  He wanted to pick out some toiletries, mouth wash, etc!  It continues to knock me to my knees when I realize the cross he bares.  He cannot tell us his needs, nor can he write them. We have gotten pretty good about knowing what he wants to talk about of what he needs, but it still chokes me to think of how patient he has to be every minute of every day.  

There is a website I found in my research for the blog.  I copied this message from makesmewannaholler.com.  I am not intending in any way to infringe on their copyright.  I simply felt as if it delivered a powerful message and wanted it in my blog.  

 

























"We complain about the cross we bear but don't realize it is preparing us for the dip in the road that we cannot see."


Amen!

Blessed

This is the day the Lord has made, let us rejoice and be glad in it!
Psalm 118:24

Abraham Lincoln said, the best thing about the future is that it comes one day at a time!  Often, I find myself thinking ahead about Mom and Dad and I decided that is absolutely the wrong thing to do.  I want to help them to LIVE every day they are with us and remind myself to turn their future over to our blessed Lord...let go and let God!  It has been easy to get into the pitfall of worrying what will happen to Dad if Mom goes before him, how will Mom's disease progress, etc.  I have been praying about this and I realize that, no matter what happens, God is with us and guiding us! "Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you." Hebrews 13:5

Mom had much better days Friday and Saturday!  The nausea settled down and she felt like eating a little more and was much perkier!  It seems like each week her pain is more, but the morphine keeps her pretty comfortable and she is resting pretty well.  

Mom nor Dad has much of an appetite and nothing seems to taste very good to them. We cook for them, but it's tough finding things they will eat; things they used to love don't taste good at all.  Truly, they prefer us to go pick up foods to go. They have gotten into a routine of deciding on short-notice what they want to eat, and we go pick it up.  We strive to keep them fed and happy!  

Mom, Dad and I have talked about going to Georgetown to visit Aunt Mary and Aunt Dorene possibly this afternoon.  It all depends on how Mom and Dad are feeling, of course.  I also plan on talking Dad into letting me take him to the Texas History Museum next week.  He gets so bored, but it's hard to get him out of the house.  I know he doesn't want to leave Mom, but wants us to encourage him to get out.  I pray he will go with me, just for a couple of hours.  I think he will really enjoy it, once he gets there!  I will only offer to take him on a day that Mom is having a good day.  I also wouldn't want to leave her otherwise.  We will just have to see what next week brings us! 

The LORD is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in him, and I am helped. My heart leaps for joy and I will give thanks to him in song.  Psalm 28:7

Amen! 

And her children arise up and call her blessed...

Mom and Dad's oldest grandchild, Jennifer, is a cross stitching whiz!  She cross stitched a beautiful piece for Mom with the above Proverbs 31:28 passage.  It is so applicable...all of Mom's children, biological and otherwise, adore her and are so inspired by her!

Mom had a pretty bad day yesterday.  She was very nauseated and just felt badly most of the day.  Finally, about 7:30, she got hungry and felt better after eating a little bit more than the few swallows of soup she'd had earlier in the day.  This morning, the nausea is gone!  We have tweaked a few meds that may have contributed to the upset stomach.  She ate her usual bowl of malto-meal for breakfast, had a snack shortly afterwards and is now napping.

Dad has been pretty quiet this week...I think he's bored!  I want to take him on an outing next week to the Texas History Museum, if I can get him to leave Mom for a couple of hours.  Mom mentioned yesterday that she would like to go see Mary and Dorene, Dad's sisters.  If Mom feels up to it, I will take them Sunday.  It will be good to get them out of the house! 

The pleurex drain that was placed to drain fluid that was accumulating in Mom's chest wall has stopped draining fluid completely.  The decision was made to leave it in place rather than have Mom go to the hospital, have sedation and have it removed.  However, we have been discussing draining some of the fluid that is accumulating in her abdomen.  She didn't want anyone to mess with her, up until yesterday.  She is now considering having the pleurex drain removed and, while under sedation, having the ultrasound-guided procedure done to drain abdominal fluid.  In most cases, fluid can be drained off the abdomen without much discomfort, but, in Mom's case, that area is so, so tender to the touch, that I don't think she could tolerate the ultrasound without some sedation.  The hospice staff doesn't believe that draining the fluid would be worth it because they say it would re-accumulate possibly even within a few hours.  The oncology nurse has a differing opinion.  She said that she has some patients who have the draining done once a month and that they get a lot of relief from that procedure.  We will do whatever Mom chooses.  I am not encouraging or discouraging, simply supporting her wishes!  

Mom asked the Hospice nurse yesterday about how much time she thinks she has.  The nurse said we all have today, and that's all we know!  She is encouraging Mom to think about living each day and trying to think less about dying.  Mom has said to me that she doesn't know what to expect.  To help with some of her concerns, we are having a Hospice social worker come next week and see if she can help Mom with some of her questions and concerns.  Her faith is so strong that she does not fear death itself, I thinks she mostly worries about Daddy.  I have prayed about it and my answer to her is that none of us knows what each day will bring and the best thing we can do it to have trust and faith in our precious Lord.  She physically relaxes when I say that.  My strength is in the Lord!  Having such a wonderfully supportive network of family and friends helps tremendously also!!

Deuteronomy 31:6 "Be strong and courageous. Do not fear or be in dread of them, for it is the Lord your God who goes with you. He will not leave you or forsake you.” 
Amen!

A Better Day

Mom was dressed when I got to her house today.  I walked in just as Jean finished giving her a haircut!  She looked so pretty, even as she fades, she is beautiful!  

We were successful in enrolling Dad with Hospice also. Medicare allows him to be enrolled for 3 months, and then he will have to be re-evaluated.  If he is again accepted, he will be evaluated in 3 more months, then it goes to every 2 months. I am not sure that he will re-qualify, as his health has to be declining, and he really is pretty healthy!  We were concerned because Dad hadn't had his blood checked recently to monitor the coumadin, a blood thinner, that he takes.  We had attempted to enroll him shortly after Mom was diagnosed, but Medicare denied him.  This time, however, they did accept him.  The Hospice nurse, Debbie, and doctor, Dr Case, came today to check both Mom and Dad.  Dad has no complaints, his blood pressure and vital signs were very good and he seems to be feeling great, except for his sadness about Mom.  Mother was in less pain today, although her abdominal area is enlarged and is very tender to the touch.  The Hospice nurse will continue to visit twice a week, and now will check on both Mom and Dad!  Another nurse will come do Dad's blood test on Thursday to ensure that he is taking the right level of his blood thinner. The blood test will be done weekly, at first, to make sure it is staying at a pretty constant level.  Diet and other things affect it also.  It is now very comforting to have Hospice watching after Dad also!

What a blessing Hospice Austin is to Mom and Dad and our family!  Thank you, Lord God, for these women who so patiently and lovingly care for our parents.  We are so grateful to You and ask You to give them grace for their service to You and those they care for.  Amen. 

 

Not so good...

Yesterday and today have been the worst days for Mom. Up until now, she has gotten up and gotten dressed after she had her breakfast.  Both yesterday and today she has stayed in her gown and robe all day.  Mother is so Christ-like in her suffering. She doesn't complain, even though she is taking more of the morphine than she has since her diagnosis.  If I ask her how she is doing, she says she is alright or that she has been better.  Today she said that she's not so good.  She looks even thinner, if that is possible, and her abdomen is getting larger and larger.  The Hospice nurse told us, when it first started getting bigger, that her pancreas is swelling because of the tumor growing in it. Mom says it feels tight and full. She rubs it off and on all day, so I know that it is painful to her.  She also seemed to be weaker and her appetite is getting less and less. 

Jesus, I trust You to intercede to our holy Father and ask Him to hold my Mother dearly in His merciful care.  I know that You are ever-present with my Mom and my Dad, as they are both suffering.  Give them Your peace and grace. Amen. 
   

Glad that's behind us!

We held Mom and Dad's Living Estate Sale this weekend!  Ollie, Jean and I arrived at the "old" house on Thursday morning at 8:00 and immediately started taking things out of the house and setting them up ion the garage and the driveway for the sale, pricing it and doing a LOT of reminiscing! We held the sale Friday and Saturday and literally sold everything that we kids didn't take! I am going over to Mom and Dad's house after while to take them a nice envelope-full of cash!  That will be a treat!   

Huge thanks to my precious sister-friend Kim Wagner who showed up Friday ready to work and stayed the whole day!  I don't know what we'd have done without her!!  God intended on us being friends from the day we were born...we were born at the old 
St David's Hospital in Austin, two days apart...so we were nursery mates!  Years later, we were in a class in high school in 1971 and became instant friends and have been friends ever since!  Isn't life ironic?!  Kim is one of the greatest blessings in my life!

We kept so, so much!  I don't know where we're each going to put everything, but there was so much that we couldn't sell!  A lot of the remaining furniture and odds and ends will go to the grandchildren, now that they are all in homes of their own.  We also made sure that the great-grandchildren got something to cherish.  We are such a sentimental bunch! 

I had at least six meltdowns over the course of the sale!  I know everyone eventually has to go through this, but the emotions are all still so raw having moved Mom and Dad to Austin and found out so shortly afterwards that Mom is sick. One of the worst things for me was walking into Mom's closet and smelling her perfume on everything she wore! Jean and I started out the door Friday morning, each with a handful of clothes, and I couldn't handle it.  I turned around and put them all back and told Jean that we were not selling Mom's clothes!  I don't care that she can't wear them any more, since she has lost so much weight, but I couldn't stand the thought of people I didn't know walking off with her clothes!  I think I will get them to the ladies at Mom and Dad's Church in Marble Falls.  The ladies there always were so complimentary of how well Mom dressed.  Once, when the Church was holding a garage sale, Mom took some clothes that were too large for her and the women swarmed over them and didn't put them in the sale, but bought them for themselves!!  Mom will be pleased for those women to have them!  I also didn't sell Dad's pearl snap western shirts!  No way I could sell those!  I don't know quite yet what I will do with them!  

It's bittersweet to have this task behind us. It felt so strange walking out the door of the house with it being totally empty and knowing that another step in our parents' life journey is behind them.   The house and the property is on the market and we showed it to several couples who were interested in it.  It would be great if one of those couples decided to buy it! 

This morning Ollie and I unloaded the suburban and truck of all our treasures, and the treasures I brought to take to Mom and Dad, Whitney, Nicole and Danny.  Glenda and Jean have their family's treasures to disperse!  Yes, it's all just "stuff", but it is full of memories of precious times with Mom and Dad that we hold in our hearts forever!

I did make a decision this weekend...I will clean out my closets and purge them of items that are not of sentimental value and that I don't use often!   We all have too much stuff, Lord knows I do, but it's hard to let it go!  I am going to learn how!!!

“Where does stuff go when it dies,
does it go to stuff heaven?”

~George Carlin~