Thinking out loud

When I was a teenager, it was hip for teenagers to call their parents "My Old Man" and "My Old Lady."  I heard it often in school, but I truly could never use those words myself; I just couldn't imagine calling them that! I also don't remember my close friends using those terms either.   

As far as the parents we were born to, my siblings and I were some of the lucky ones!  We couldn't have asked for better, more loving and attentive parents!  Ours was a "traditional" household, one that you might read about.  Dad was the "bread winner", Mom the housewife and stay-at-home-mom.  Mom was responsible for maintaining the budget and Dad made sure there were monies enough to provide for us.  They both did an extraordinary job!                                

In our house, Dad was revered as the head of the household.  When he came home from work, on most days, Dad came in the door, took off his shoes and got in "his chair."  Mom taught us to be quiet so he could relax in the living room and watch the evening news  until she put supper on the table.  Then, at the table, we could talk about our day and, believe me, the quiet was over at that point!! 
After supper, Dad retreated to the living room.  My siblings and I were the remote control for the television!  We watched what Dad wanted to watch.  There was no cable then and there were only  four channels.  Dad would tell one of us to turn the knob to the channel he wanted to watch.  Shows like Gunsmoke, Bonanza, The Rifleman, Cheyenne, The Big Valley, Have Gun Will Travel, or any other western would always be Dad's first choice. He also liked The Flip Wilson Show and The Dean Martin Show  If Mom was in control, we watched shows like Hazel, My Three Sons, The Red Skelton Show, Flipper or Lassie.  On Saturdays we held the reins! The mornings kept us entertained with cartoons like Mighty Mouse, Quick Draw McGraw, The Yogi Bear Show, Huckleberry Hound, and Roadrunner. One of our favorite shows was Tarzan, when the likes of Johnny Weisemuller brought him to life!  As soon as the show was over, we'd gather our friends, run to our back yard Chinese Tallow tree and play Tarzan!  Our Saturday night routine was to watch The Lawrence Welk Show and then Flipper while eating Mom's homemade hamburgers! 

Other than a few shows on Saturday morning,  you wouldn't catch us kids indoors watching television if the weather allowed us to be outside, or unless it was after dark on a school night.  On weekends we would rather be outside playing hide and go seek or catching fireflies in jars!!  We were so blessed to be kids during the era when there wasn't so much fear.  We knew all of our neighbors and all the parents looked out for everyone else's kids like they were their own.
Sadly, most of us can't say that now.

Dad worked so hard to provide for us.  I remember when he started his own surveying businessin Austin in the early 1960's.  He took a piece of carpet and hung it in our one-car garage on Mullen Drive, separating off the front 4 or 5 feet. In that space he put a drafting table and a file cabinet, and that was his office!  From there W. Harvey Smith Surveyors quickly grew and Dad had to move to a larger space downtown, then ultimately to his office building at 1214 West 5th Street.  Our Dad was highly respected in the business community.  There was such a charm about him that affected both men and women.  He was a ladies' man, but also a man's man!  Honesty and integrity were some of his strongest traits and why his business was such a success.

Mom was the ultimate homemaker.  She had a set weekly routine for the housework and for her life.  Monday was the day she stripped the beds and laundered all the linens. She hung all of the wash on a clothes line!  In the middle of winter, she would bundle up with a heavy coat, a wool scarf around her neck and warm gloves and hang clothes outside!  If it was too rainy, she had clothesline down our hallway and hung clothes there!  I can't imagine doing laundry for six people and having to hang it all on a line!! She did not have a clothes dryer until she and Dad moved to the ranch at Spicewood.  Even then, she would only use it to fluff the bath towels after they hung on the line to dry!  Finally, once they moved to Meadlowlakes, Mom used her dryer, only because Meadowlakes wouldn't allow clothes lines!  As soon as Mom and Dad moved out to their place on Fairland Road, one of Dad's first projects was to set up a clothes line for her!  She still hung her sheets out to dry because she loved them to smell like fresh air!
When I was a kid there was no such thing as permanent press!  Since I was the youngest girl of the family, it was my job to iron the sheets and pillow cases and Dad's handkerchiefs!  Jean and Glenda, my two older sisters, had the tougher items like Dad's shirts!  When I tell young people about ironing sheets they are amazed!!  In so many ways our lives are simpler now, but I can't say they're better!


peaking of sheets, when I was a kid there was no such thing as "permanent press"!  Being the youngest girl of the family, it was my job to iron the sheets and pillow cases and Dad's handkerchiefs!  Jean and Glenda had the tougher items like Dad's shirts!  When I tell young people about ironing sheets they are amazed!!  In so many ways our lives are simpler now, but I can't say they're better!
Like Monday, the other days of the week had specific tasks scheduled.  On Thursdays the 3 grocery stores in our area, HEB, Gulf Mart and Safeway, all advertised their sales in the newspaper.  Mom would scour the ads, cut any applicable coupons and shop all three stores for the best bargains!  Thursday was also the day she went to the beauty shop!  During the summer, I always begged her to let me go with her, but she always made me stay home.  Now that I am a mother, I understand that she used that as "her" time!  It wasn't very glamorous, but it did give her time to herself!  With four kids, that was probably a pretty precious day to her!


Our Mom was also the ultimate budgeter.  We did not have chips, sodas, store-bought cookies or sweets, or any frivolous foods in our kitchen.  If we wanted a snack, we could have graham crackers and milk or toast and jelly. The sweetest thing in our cupboard was Frosted Flakes cereal!  We didn't have a closet-full of clothes and toys like most kids do nowadays.  We wore uniforms to school, had a few play clothes and a couple of dresses to wear to Church; one pair of dress shoes, one pair of school shoes and one pair of shoes to play in.  I had one baby doll, one Barbie doll, a pair of skates and a record player and that was plenty!  We used our imaginations and ere happy with what we had!
 
Every summer Mom figured out a way to budget in a vacation for all of us.  Our trips were not very glamorous, but Mom and Dad always made sure we did something fun. When we traveled far enough to have to spend the night on the road, Dad would drive through the town and find a hotel that he and Mom thought looked the nicest while we kids watched for hotels with swimming pools with a slide, because that was our favorite!  If we found one, that was absolutely where we would stay!   

My sisters Jean and Glenda broke the ice with Mom and Dad on living with teenagers!  By the time I was a teenager and old enough to be out with friends at night or go out on a date, Dad told me to set my own curfew, but, if he didn't like it, then he would set it for me!  So, midnight seemed reasonable to both of us!  I can tell you that I never missed my curfew!! 

My Mom tested the limits of Dad's patience when it came to leaving the house on time for Church or any other event.  But, in her defense, and because I am just like her in this, there is a lot to be done before you can walk out the door! Mom would check the thermostat, make sure the doors were locked, make sure all the lights were off, etc.  Dad would be usually dressed and ready to go at least an hour before they were due to leave.  They were rarely late arriving their destination, but they were also not very early arriving either!  Dad would be impatient because he thought Mom should walk out the door exactly when he was ready to leave, not when she was ready to leave!!  He'd say, "I've spent half my life waiting on that woman!"  He'd act a little grumpy towards her and she would ignore it, chuckle a little at herself, say something loving to him and he'd get over it quickly!  To me, that was a valuable lesson in relationships.  They did not believe in staying mad at each other.  If you asked Mom for advice for young couples she would have said never go to sleep mad at each other and always kiss each other good night.  She also always had a way of letting Dad think he was the boss!!  Those things worked well for them, wouldn't you say?!!

Throughout my life, there was never a time that Mom and Dad did not answer my call for moral or financial support or advice.  If I borrowed money from them, they would never remind me of money I owed them, never make comments about how I spent the money and never ask for it to be repaid.  It was always a proud moment when I repaid them!  When I got my driver's license, I got Mom's old car and she got a new one!  The hand-me-down car finally wore out about a year later.  My sister Glenda had gotten a new car and it was a very small.  When we started talking about getting me a car, I made a proposition with Dad.  I didn't want a small car like Glenda's, so I asked Dad to allow me to buy the car I really wanted and that I would pay the difference between it and what a smaller car would have cost.  He agreed and took me to the dealership.  I drove away in a brand new 1972 gold Mercury Cougar!  The difference that I owed Mom and Dad was $1,000!  Dad told me to set up a savings account and not pay him any money until I had the full amount.  I did exactly that.  I was a senior in high school going to school in then morning and working in a dental office in the afternoon.  On my part-time salary it took me a while, but I will never forget the day that I was able to go to Mom and Dad with the money!  I have told this story a few times and those that knew Mom and Dad are surprised that they accepted the money from me.  I am so happy that they did because it taught me to work for what I wanted and to live up to my part of a bargain.  

As we grew up, we didn't realize all the valuable lessons we were being taught nor the immense blessing we had in our parents. I see the correlation between my parents and our Lord.  Most of us go through our days not realizing that we are being taught lessons and being blessed, until we endure a major event or trauma that makes us step back and reflect.  I appreciate my parents so much and praise God for blessing us with them.


Sunday was Mother's Day.  My definition of Mother's Day was celebrating MY Mom.  Yes, I am a mother, as are my daughters, Whitney and Neely, but for all of my adult life, until Mom passed away, Mother's Day was spent celebrating my Mom.  We traditionally celebrated Mother's Day at Jean and Jimmie's house, and we followed suit yesterday.  The atmosphere was so different than when Mom and Dad were alive.  They were such strong influences on our lives, that everyone in our family, from the youngest to the oldest, seemed affected by the fact that Mom and Dad were not there yesterday.  It is clear that we all have to reprogram our thinking.  It is also clear that we had not done that in preparation for our gathering yesterday.  Mother's Day came so quickly and Father's Day is just around the corner.  I feel sure the lack of Mom and Dad's presence will be felt equally then as it was on Sunday.  I think we have all been going through the motions of our lives without Mom and Dad, but we are still having difficulty doing finding our way. Maybe, once these two special days are behind us we can all focus on continuing the loving legacy that they created, just as they would have wanted.  I miss them tremendously, but I know they will spend eternity together in Heaven!