Ollie and I have been in Warrenton TX since last Wednesday for the big antiques show. I have been checking in with Mom and Dad at least once a day, and I sure have been missing them. Our show has been rather slow since the weather has been so rainy. I woke up this morning and decided I just had to make the drive back to Austin and go see Mom and Dad! Ollie agreed to watch both booths, especially since Sundays are typically slow, and, like I said, as of yet there hasn't been much of a crowd.
I arrived at Mom and Dad's house about 10:30. Ad I came through the door, Dad was already up and in his chair and Mom was back in their bedroom. As she came out she said she had a feeling I was going to come today! She does have those "feelings", and usually she's right! It was so good to see them and they both looked great! They had a good night's rest and were feeling pretty good, all things considered!
I instantly became aware of how thin Mom is. I guess I don't notice it so much when I see her every day. But, after being gone from her for four days, I was much more aware of her weight loss. The weight loss is to be expected, but it still catches me off-guard sometimes.
I spent a lovely day with them and their visitors! I got in some hugs and kisses that I'd been sorely missing and my heart now feels refreshed!
A friend and fellow antiques dealer lost her mother recently. She shared a booklet with me that their Hospice nurse had given them. It Is called "Gone From My Sight...The Dying Experience." The Hospice nurse who wrote it is a nationally recognized speaker on the dynamics of dying. She puts the process into black and white and tells you what to expect throughout each stage of illness. She talks about the patient losing their appetite, some of the physical changes their body goes through, their breathing changes, their skin color changes, etc. This is in the back of the booklet and I liked it, so I thought I would share it with you...
"I am standing upon the seashore. A ship at my side spreads her white sails to the morning breeze and starts for the blue ocean. She is an object of beauty and strength. I stand and watch her until at length she hangs like a speck of white cloud just where the sea and sky come to mingle with each other.
Then someone at my side says: 'There, she is gone!'
'Gone where?'
'Gone from my sight. That is all. She is just as large in mast and hull and spar as she was when she left my side and she is just as able to bear the load of living freight to her destined port.
Her diminished size is in me, not in her. And just at the moment when someone at my side says: 'There she is gone!' There are other eyes watching her coming, and other voices ready to take up the glad shout: 'Here she comes!'
And that is dying.
~ Henry Van Dyke
I believe in life after death...that our souls go to Heaven and that our loved ones are there waiting for us. And, to think of them waiting there for Mom and excitedly saying to each other, 'Here she comes', gives me peace and comfort. I will never be ready to see Mom or Dad go, but knowing there are so, so many loved ones who have gone ahead of them and are waiting there for them gives me such a sense of peace! Not to mention our Lord waiting with His arms wide open!!! That gives me chill bumps!!
I presume most of you have heard the song, I Can Only Imagine.
I get a lump in my throat every time I listen to it!! But, really, can you imagine getting to meet Our Lord?! WOW!!
I need to get to bed so I can leave early in the morning and head back to Warrenton.
"I can only imagine what it will be like, when I walk by Your side...
I can only imagine, what my eyes will see, when Your Face is before me!
I can only imagine. I can only imagine.
Surrounded by Your Glory, what will my heart feel?
Will I dance for you, Jesus? Or in awe of You, be still?
Will I stand in Your presence, or to my knees will I fall?
Will I sing 'Hallelujah!'? Will I be able to speak at all?
I can only imagine! I can only imagine!
I can only imagine, when that day comes, when I find myself standing in the Son!
I can only imagine, when all I will do, is forever, forever worship You!
I can only imagine! I can only imagine!
Surrounded by Your Glory, what will my heart feel?
Will I dance for you, Jesus? Or in awe of You, be still?
Will I stand in Your presence, or to my knees will I fall?
Will I sing 'Hallelujah!'? Will I be able to speak at all?
I can only imagine! Yeah! I can only imagine!
Surrounded by Your Glory, what will my heart feel?
Will I dance for you, Jesus? Or in awe of You, be still?
Will I stand in Your presence, or to my knees will I fall?
Will I sing 'Hallelujah!'? Will I be able to speak at all?
I can only imagine! Yeah! I can only imagine!
I can only imagine! Yeah! I can only imagine!! Only imagine!!!
I can only imagine.
I can only imagine, when all I do is forever, forever worship You!
I can only imagine."
Copyright: ©1999 MercyMe
I will be back in touch after October 7th, unless there is something I need to report between now and then! Love to all!
Sunday, September 30, 2012
Tuesday, September 25, 2012
Bittersweet day trip
After the Hospice nurse perked up our attitudes, I told Mom and Dad to please let me know if there was anywhere they wanted to go or anything they wanted to do. All they had to do was let me know and I would do everything in my power to make it happen!
So, for Mom and Dad, this past week had a little more adventure in it than usual. As you know, Jean and I took Mom out to the Ranch at Spicewood last Saturday. So, now it was Dad's turn. Thursday night was the monthly poker night with Danny and Ollie and the other guys at the deer camp. Danny picked Dad up mid-afternoon and took him out there for steaks, poker and amusing camaraderie. It is such a special treat to the guys to have Dad there and Dad really gets a kick out of them. They are great friends and usually find plenty of things to give each other a hard time about! All in good fun, of course!
Dad had also indicated to Mom that he wanted to go see Uncle Roy's grave. On Thursday, I talked to Dad about going on Friday. I assumed that he would want to sleep late on Friday since he would have had a big night with the guys and would be tired. I told him to have Mom call me when he was up and ready to go, figuring that it would be about 1:30 or so. Well, I should have known better!! My phone rang at 9:45 and Mom said Dad was up, dressed, had breakfast and was sitting in his wheelchair ready to go! I know my Dad well enough that I expected this, so I mad sure I was ready to go whenever Mom called! Dad and I met up with cousin Troy Smith at his vet clinic in Manchaca so he could ride with us and help us find the grave site. It was a bittersweet trip for Dad. I couldn't help but remember the beautiful eulogy Dad gave for Uncle Roy at his funeral. His last words were, "I already miss you, Bro."
Sitting on Dad's bookcase at his desk in the office is one of Dad's most prized possessions... a picture of him and Uncle Roy headed out in Uncle Roy's bass boat on what was their last fishing trip together. Dad can't look at it without getting tears in his eyes.
After going to the cemetery, the three of us went out for a Mexican Food lunch. Dad really enjoyed his migas with carne guisada and the "salad" of tomatoes and jalapenos"! It was so funny because the tomatoes and jalapenos were very spicy...Dad would take a bit and say, "Oooooo" because it was so hot. Then, he'd eat some eggs and take another bite and say the same thing all over again! He couldn't resist the tasty but spicy food! It was so nice to see him really enjoy eating something! That's a rarity!!!
This week Mom has not felt well at all. She is having a good bit of "discomfort" in her abdomen. The small amount of morphine is still helping her a lot. She has such patience and tolerance. She is my inspiration! Please continue to keep Mom and Dad in your prayers
Ollie and I will be in Warrenton tomorrow through Sunday, October 7th. I certainly will be checking in with Mom and Dad every day by phone, and Jean, Glenda and Danny will be spending extra time with them. Please take time to go see them, if you can. Visitors are welcomed and do help their days and weeks go by more pleasantly. Early afternoon is a good time for them, but please call and schedule so that they don't have more than one group of visitors per day. Mom is usually up by 10:00 or so, so call and tell her when you can come! They would love to see you! Their number is 512/250-9132.
A woman of beauty
A woman of grace
A woman of excellence
Beholding God's face
She walks with the Lord
With integrity
Knowing her purpose
And destiny
No matter what happens
She walks in God's love
Reflecting the beauty
Of her Father above.
© 2003 By M.S.Lowndes
So, for Mom and Dad, this past week had a little more adventure in it than usual. As you know, Jean and I took Mom out to the Ranch at Spicewood last Saturday. So, now it was Dad's turn. Thursday night was the monthly poker night with Danny and Ollie and the other guys at the deer camp. Danny picked Dad up mid-afternoon and took him out there for steaks, poker and amusing camaraderie. It is such a special treat to the guys to have Dad there and Dad really gets a kick out of them. They are great friends and usually find plenty of things to give each other a hard time about! All in good fun, of course!
Dad had also indicated to Mom that he wanted to go see Uncle Roy's grave. On Thursday, I talked to Dad about going on Friday. I assumed that he would want to sleep late on Friday since he would have had a big night with the guys and would be tired. I told him to have Mom call me when he was up and ready to go, figuring that it would be about 1:30 or so. Well, I should have known better!! My phone rang at 9:45 and Mom said Dad was up, dressed, had breakfast and was sitting in his wheelchair ready to go! I know my Dad well enough that I expected this, so I mad sure I was ready to go whenever Mom called! Dad and I met up with cousin Troy Smith at his vet clinic in Manchaca so he could ride with us and help us find the grave site. It was a bittersweet trip for Dad. I couldn't help but remember the beautiful eulogy Dad gave for Uncle Roy at his funeral. His last words were, "I already miss you, Bro."
Sitting on Dad's bookcase at his desk in the office is one of Dad's most prized possessions... a picture of him and Uncle Roy headed out in Uncle Roy's bass boat on what was their last fishing trip together. Dad can't look at it without getting tears in his eyes.
After going to the cemetery, the three of us went out for a Mexican Food lunch. Dad really enjoyed his migas with carne guisada and the "salad" of tomatoes and jalapenos"! It was so funny because the tomatoes and jalapenos were very spicy...Dad would take a bit and say, "Oooooo" because it was so hot. Then, he'd eat some eggs and take another bite and say the same thing all over again! He couldn't resist the tasty but spicy food! It was so nice to see him really enjoy eating something! That's a rarity!!!
This week Mom has not felt well at all. She is having a good bit of "discomfort" in her abdomen. The small amount of morphine is still helping her a lot. She has such patience and tolerance. She is my inspiration! Please continue to keep Mom and Dad in your prayers
Ollie and I will be in Warrenton tomorrow through Sunday, October 7th. I certainly will be checking in with Mom and Dad every day by phone, and Jean, Glenda and Danny will be spending extra time with them. Please take time to go see them, if you can. Visitors are welcomed and do help their days and weeks go by more pleasantly. Early afternoon is a good time for them, but please call and schedule so that they don't have more than one group of visitors per day. Mom is usually up by 10:00 or so, so call and tell her when you can come! They would love to see you! Their number is 512/250-9132.
A Godly Woman
A woman of grace
A woman of excellence
Beholding God's face
She walks with the Lord
With integrity
Knowing her purpose
And destiny
No matter what happens
She walks in God's love
Reflecting the beauty
Of her Father above.
© 2003 By M.S.Lowndes
Sunday, September 16, 2012
Nostalgia
“The Greek word for "return" is nostos. Algos means "suffering." So
nostalgia is the suffering caused by an unappeased yearning to return.”
~ writer Milan Kundera
Last week, Mom told me that she had the desire to go see their Ranch at Spicewood, so I immediately got up and called the folks who bought it 20 years ago! They were completely open to me bringing Mom out there and planned to be there this weekend, as they live in Austin and only go out there once or twice a month.
Jean and I took Mom on Saturday. Dad opted not to go, so Glenda spent a good part of the afternoon with him.
Mother was very pleased to see the size of the trees that she and Dad had planted! There were crepe myrtles, a spanish oak, an elm and a jujube tree that were amazingly healthy and huge! The jujube tree was a tiny sapling that came up in another potted plant that Mom had brought to their house from the Fowler's house. She planted it on the east side of the garage and, now, it's probably 30 feet tall and still bears fruit!!
The house does not look at all like it did when Mom and Dad had it built! The wall between the living room and the kitchen was taken out, as well as the bar between the kitchen and the dining area. All of the cabinetry throughout the house was painted turquoise and the doors and door frames were red! All of the decor resembled a Mexican Cantina, of sorts, but done very tastefully! It was bright, cheery and fun! Mom got a kick out of it!
After touring the house and yard, we drove Mom down to the arena, which is taken over by weeds from lack of use, and the barn. Every Thursday night I could hear and see the line of trailers coming in for the weekly roping at that arena. I loved to sit on horseback and watch. Some of my favorite pictures are a toddler-aged Whitney in the saddle with her Papaw!
The owners now have no livestock or horses, so the barn doesn't get any use. It was in amazing condition, not surprising considering Dad supervised the construction! Dad's "HS" brand was still burned in the wooden workbench just under the old vise in the workshop area at the barn and the "HS" was still proudly displayed in metal above the entrance to the arena and the pasture in front of the house. The rack where the boys processed their deer after hunting still stood strong. I stood and listened to the beautiful silence, the serenity that I so loved out there. That beauty, as well as the gorgeous view and scenery, will be there forever. God put it there!!!
I stopped and took a lot of pictures of where my little double-wide trailer sat. The back porch was there, but had fallen down and was in ruin. The concrete steps leading to it with the old iron boot scraper were still there though! Whitney was born while I lived out there in 1986. I had precious memories of her running and playing in the front yard; I remembered where her swing set was heavily used in the back yard, the yard which is now completely thickly reclaimed by the trees and weeds. That seems like another life ago, but many sweet memories, nonetheless.
Jean and I asked Mom if she missed the Ranch and she said that she did not. She said she doesn't miss any of the places she and Daddy have lived...she guesses it's because she and Dad moved so much in their younger years. As for me, so many great memories came flooding back as I drove around the property. I took 171 pictures!!!
I am so happy that we got to go out there and I feel like I can lay that desire to rest! Mom felt the same way!
Needless to say, Dad was very happy when we returned home! He worries about Mom wearing herself out, but she had a good nap on the way back and spent the rest of the evening in her chair. I spoke to her this morning and she said she'd had a good night's sleep and felt okay today!
Danny spent part of the afternoon visiting with them and picked up tamales and chili con queso for their lunch! He said they enjoyed that! One never knows what they might like to eat! Hooray for him finding something they liked!
It's been raining steadily all day and we have measured almost 2 inches! Praise God!!! I can almost hear my trees, grass and shrubs oo'ing and ah'ing!!! Everything looks so clean and bright green!!
As the first raindrops fall to the ground
A businessman lets out an angry sigh.
Knowing traffic will be slow he thinks,
Why me? Why today? Just tell me why!
A businessman lets out an angry sigh.
Knowing traffic will be slow he thinks,
Why me? Why today? Just tell me why!
Outside of town, a farmer scans the horizon
As the storm clouds begin to roll in.
With joy and celebration he calls out,
We are blessed! At last! This drought will end!
As the storm clouds begin to roll in.
With joy and celebration he calls out,
We are blessed! At last! This drought will end!
In every life storms will come:
Adversity, Inconvenience, or Pain.
Only we can choose how we will respond:
To be overwhelmed or to Welcome The Rain.
Adversity, Inconvenience, or Pain.
Only we can choose how we will respond:
To be overwhelmed or to Welcome The Rain.
Michelle Sedas
As for me...it's hugely welcomed!!!
Ollie and I are preparing for our antique sale at Warrenton this week. We start setting up our booths on Sunday, September 24th and our show lasts from Thursday, September 27 until Saturday, October 6th. Come see us in Warrenton at Cole's!
Love to all! Sandi
Tuesday, September 11, 2012
Ray of Sunshine!
If you are reading this on Wednesday morning, I am going to start your day off with a little ray of sunshine!
Mom's Hospice nurse, Carol, left a little over a month ago for vacation. She came back this week and Mom was placed back under her care. She has been to Mom and Dad's house twice this week, once on Monday and once this morning to drain her. Monday, no fluid was drained off Mom's lung. Carol came back this morning and tried some different positions with Mom laying in bed to see if she could get any fluid to drain, and none was present. Carol was caught off-guard by this. She asked Mom is she could speak frankly to her, and, of course, Mom said that she could. Carol told Mom that, when she left to go on vacation, she did not expect Mom to be alive when she got back! She thought that with the amount of fluid that she was draining and that the fluid was pure blood, that Mom would not survive much longer. What Carol did not take into consideration was the power of prayer!!! I cannot count the number of people who are praying for my Mom, but it is a LOT!
Carol continued to tell Mom that she has good color, a little pale, but the color of her nail beds is good and her over-all color is good. Mom is short of breath after exertion, like taking a shower, but Carol followed Mom from the living room to the bedroom and said she had trouble keeping up with her! I must admit that the Smith pace is pretty quick! Ollie constantly tells me to slow down when we are exercise-walking together. He says, "You Smiths are all alike! I have to almost run to keep up with you!" He is relating to being out at the deer camp with Danny and having to almost run to keep up with his stride! Anyway, regarding her shortness of breath, Carol said that it was much better than she expected, and nothing close to what she would call an urgent situation. In fact, she is considering visiting Mom once a week instead of twice!
Mom's appetite isn't great, but her strength has gotten
much better in the last few days. I am a firm believer in the power of
prayer, and I believe that is making all the difference in the world!
There are so many quotes from the Bible about asking God through prayer
and receiving. Mark 11:24, one of the many, says, "Therefore I tell
you, whatever you ask in prayer, believe that you have received it, and
it will be yours." I can't answer why some prayers are answered
differently than others, but I am grateful that Mom isn't suffering
extreme pain or of shortness of breath, that she is in great spirits and
that she and Dad are able to be together. Thank you, Jesus!
I had a pep talk with Mom and Dad this afternoon and said that we were going to stop thinking about Mom dying and enjoy her living!! She wants me to take her out to see their old ranch at Spicewood, so we are going to do that this Saturday unless she isn't feeling up to it. I told her I would take her and Dad anywhere they want to go! I mentioned driving them to Elgin, Rockne or anywhere they might want to go! The great part is that Mom was excited about getting out of the house! I think Carol gave her a new lease on life!! How long will it last? Who that is human can answer that question? None of us is guaranteed tomorrow! In the book of James it says , "Whereas ye know not what shall be on the morrow." Exactly! So, live for today, and live according to God's word!
Gotta run! Love to all of you!!
Saturday, September 8, 2012
One day at a time...
That's all each of us can do is take one day at a time. I called Mom last night about 8:15 and asked her how she was feeling. She chuckled and said she guessed that she was feeling about the same as she was that morning! Her sense of humor and her stoicism never ceases to amaze me!
Mom has never been much of a reader, but then she never felt like she had time to sit and read. She would have a stack of newspapers next to her chair in the living room, and would finally sit and go through them. But, she never took time to read a book. Now that she spends most of her day in her recliner, she has begun to read a few books. Jean shared a book with her entitled, Heaven Is For Real, which is a heartwarming story about a family who almost loses their son. Unbeknownst to anyone, during surgery, their 4-year old son goes to Heaven and then comes back. As time goes by, he starts relaying stories to them about what they were doing while he was in surgery, things that he could not have known otherwise. He tells them about seeing his sister, whom was lost through miscarriage in the second month of pregnancy and others. It is a very real story, one that would be difficult for anyone to dispute, like the reviews do to a book like 90 Minutes In Heaven, which I have also read. Anyway, Mom read it and then we talked about it. She said that there were parts of it that she just had to skip because it got her to excited. When I asked her what she meant, she said it got her to excited about what she was going to encounter if (can you believe she said "if"?!) she went to Heaven! Her faith is what guides her and she says she is not afraid of dying, just that she is so worried about Daddy. Of course, we have all tried to comfort her in telling her that we will take good care of him, but she knows all too well how unhappy he is going to be without her. Dad gets upset often when he looks at Mom and sees her getting thinner and declining. She tells him she's alright and smiles at him to help him recover. I can't imagine what's going on in his mind, but I know he is very sad. But, on the positive side, Mom's faith is so inspiring and she remains as upbeat as possible!
Mom has been getting more and more short of breath. It had been over two weeks since she was last drained, so she decided to let the Hospice nurse come Friday to drain her, in hope that would give her some relief and more breath. However, when the nurse drained her, only about 1/2 teaspoon of fluid came out. So, Mom did not get any help for that. She is on her oxygen most of the time, whether she is in her recliner during the day or in bed at night. She has also been having to use more of the morphine because it does help her to breathe a little easier. She likes to be awake during the day and gets a bit frustrated if the morphine makes her too sleepy, so the doses are very small, about the amount that would be prescribed to a child. I support her in giving her whatever amount helps her but doesn't knock her out.
Mom and Dad are still enjoying having visitors, as long as they don't stay too long! Mom will absolutely let us know if she is getting tired. So, if you are inclined to, go see them! You can call me at 512/934-3641 and let me know what day you would like to come, so I can be sure to write you on their calendar! I usually only schedule one visit per day, and 1:30 or 2:00 is a good time of day for them.
When I opened Jean's book, Heaven Is For Real, there was a holy card inside it that she must have used for a bookmark. I loved the quote that was on it and thought I would close this blog and share it with you...
Have no fear for what tomorrow may bring.
The same loving God who cares for you today will
take care of you tomorrow and every day.
God will either shield you from suffering
or give you unfailing strength to bear it.
Bea at peace, then, and put aside all
anxious thoughts and imaginations.
Francis de Sales (Catholic Patron Saint of the Deaf)
Thank you, God! We sing praise to You! Amen!
Mom has never been much of a reader, but then she never felt like she had time to sit and read. She would have a stack of newspapers next to her chair in the living room, and would finally sit and go through them. But, she never took time to read a book. Now that she spends most of her day in her recliner, she has begun to read a few books. Jean shared a book with her entitled, Heaven Is For Real, which is a heartwarming story about a family who almost loses their son. Unbeknownst to anyone, during surgery, their 4-year old son goes to Heaven and then comes back. As time goes by, he starts relaying stories to them about what they were doing while he was in surgery, things that he could not have known otherwise. He tells them about seeing his sister, whom was lost through miscarriage in the second month of pregnancy and others. It is a very real story, one that would be difficult for anyone to dispute, like the reviews do to a book like 90 Minutes In Heaven, which I have also read. Anyway, Mom read it and then we talked about it. She said that there were parts of it that she just had to skip because it got her to excited. When I asked her what she meant, she said it got her to excited about what she was going to encounter if (can you believe she said "if"?!) she went to Heaven! Her faith is what guides her and she says she is not afraid of dying, just that she is so worried about Daddy. Of course, we have all tried to comfort her in telling her that we will take good care of him, but she knows all too well how unhappy he is going to be without her. Dad gets upset often when he looks at Mom and sees her getting thinner and declining. She tells him she's alright and smiles at him to help him recover. I can't imagine what's going on in his mind, but I know he is very sad. But, on the positive side, Mom's faith is so inspiring and she remains as upbeat as possible!
Mom has been getting more and more short of breath. It had been over two weeks since she was last drained, so she decided to let the Hospice nurse come Friday to drain her, in hope that would give her some relief and more breath. However, when the nurse drained her, only about 1/2 teaspoon of fluid came out. So, Mom did not get any help for that. She is on her oxygen most of the time, whether she is in her recliner during the day or in bed at night. She has also been having to use more of the morphine because it does help her to breathe a little easier. She likes to be awake during the day and gets a bit frustrated if the morphine makes her too sleepy, so the doses are very small, about the amount that would be prescribed to a child. I support her in giving her whatever amount helps her but doesn't knock her out.
Mom and Dad are still enjoying having visitors, as long as they don't stay too long! Mom will absolutely let us know if she is getting tired. So, if you are inclined to, go see them! You can call me at 512/934-3641 and let me know what day you would like to come, so I can be sure to write you on their calendar! I usually only schedule one visit per day, and 1:30 or 2:00 is a good time of day for them.
When I opened Jean's book, Heaven Is For Real, there was a holy card inside it that she must have used for a bookmark. I loved the quote that was on it and thought I would close this blog and share it with you...
Have no fear for what tomorrow may bring.
The same loving God who cares for you today will
take care of you tomorrow and every day.
God will either shield you from suffering
or give you unfailing strength to bear it.
Bea at peace, then, and put aside all
anxious thoughts and imaginations.
Francis de Sales (Catholic Patron Saint of the Deaf)
Thank you, God! We sing praise to You! Amen!
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